march 22, 2004

an abusive fellowship...

• seems to create non-Biblical classes of sins (e.g., labeling people as "full of pride" if they do not agree with the discipler's decisions or advice)
• leaders do not tell me "no," but instead ask me to "pray about it" and delay my decision
• those involved see themselves as "more committed" than those not in the discipleship
• disciples are rebuked for actions that are not really sinful but which merely differ from the leaders' opinions
• my leader/discipler makes no distinction between moral advice and non-moral advice
• cause you to feel a distancing from family (ask your family if they feel you have cut them off emotionally because you, yourself, may not be able to see this)
• cause you to abandon normal old hobbies and friends who are not in the group
• cause you to be stilted in your conversations with family about plans
• subtly teach that following all of what leaders request is seen as spiritual growth even when you don't feel right about it
• create unnecessary shame or guilt when your desires don't match the authority
• cause a person to suppress their real personality type or change it
• cause people to lose their personal initiative
• cause burnout problems, serious depression, and a variety of other psychological and spiritual problems after a period of suppressing their own thoughts and desires to follow what their "mature discipler" thinks is better
• cause you to see leaders as better able to hear from God
• twist verses like "Touch not my anointed" implying that we can't be critical of leaders without being critical of God
• stress trusting leaders, having faith in leaders, imitating leaders and being loyal to them
• allow leaders to exercise authority like high officials instead of being a servant to the their flock
• imply, or even teach, that we should look on our discipler as the Apostles looked on Jesus
• not teach that the authority is in the message and not the messenger
• not stress Each one should be fully convinced in his own mind
  | Romans 14:5 |
• play "God the Father" by setting up rules which appear to make you obey God's laws
• twist Bible verses to say "Stay away from non-believers who are reprobates." (According to the disciplers' narrow definition).
• cause you to reject the sinner along with the sin
• cause you to want to confront nearly every sin in others (i.e.; their definition of sin)
• cause you to loose mercy and compassion for others who sin
• never teach that you may overlook weakness in others
• cause you to label someone as "having a bad heart" when you really lack knowledge about the person
• put down your family in subtle ways
• urge you to imitate your leader in every way, instead of only the leader's virtue in Christ
• put down your former church for reasons which have nothing to do with morality or virtue (having crosses, wearing robes, etc.)
• cause you to see the word "independent" in a negative light when formerly you knew it was positive
• cause you to believe that God will give you direct revelations for every detail of your life
• issue lots of "black & white" statements
• narrow your thinking with blanket statements
• give simplistic answers to complex questions
• cause confusion by teaching that human reasoning is always contrary to God's will
• cause you to fear missing God's will
• employ an extraordinary usage of words like: always, never, must and only cause us to believe that we are either "all bad" or "all good" ... totally obedient to God or totally disobedient
• teach principles of prayer that are not in line with Scripture
• use jargon or cliches to dismiss your legitimate concerns
• little respect for diversity
• members' self-worth and hope for salvation were tied to staying in the group
• healthy relationships (with friends in the group) were not to be expected to continue once you left
• members were encouraged to make smug remarks about those who left
• dating and courtship were highly controlled

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