march 19, 2004

commitment manipulation tactic

There is good reason why abusive fellowships do not reveal the rules up front — they would not get many recruits!

People are not exactly beating down the doors of monasteries that teach poverty, chastity and obedience. Commitments like that take time to make. But, unlike monastic orders, abusive fellowships use a "commitment manipulation" tactic: getting people involved first and then introducing them to all the rules. Once people are committed and involved in something, they are much more likely to accept such new information.

I remember a college professor telling me that if a person signs an insurance policy but later finds out it says much more in the fine print than he knew about, that person would still agree with it because he had made the commitment. This is similar to an abusive discipleship. The new disciple does not realize the involvement is the beginning of a long-term and intense commitment, nor does he know all that commitment will involve.

People get involved by participating and, over time, feel committed. Then, when they find out more of what is wanted of them, they go along with it because they have already made a substantial emotional commitment. In some cases, they have also made a financial investment. They have signed on the bottom line and the discipleship will fill in the blanks as they go along.

There is a tendency to justify, and cling to, whatever you are already involved in. So you must take time to look at all the information in this book before you push it aside. If you are currently participating in a group, I know it will be difficult for you to look at this information objectively. If a group can get you involved first, form your friendships, and gain your trust, then begin to lay one rule after another on you, you will more than likely accept them without argument.

I have faced controlling disciplers and asked them: "Why don't you tell your people up front what your discipleship is all about?" Sometimes they answer that the Lord doesn't lead them that way or that the people are still babes as Christians and would not be able to handle it. This is discipleship code. What it really means is that few would join if they knew beforehand all that will be expected of them. These disciplers are not hiding "deeper truths" — they are hiding manipulation.

You should wonder why a group would want to conceal the way it really operates from newcomers or those on the outside. Jesus certainly did not operate this way. Furthermore, Jesus made it clear he did not teach something different to his inner circle than what he taught outsiders | John 18:20 |. The insiders even look at each other as more committed than people not fully in the program of discipleship.

In a recent bulletin of a church that had discipleship, there was a special notation that the discipleship class was by invitation only! No other activity at this church had this requirement. I had to wonder what secret Bible knowledge has to be by invitation only. My guess is that they were teaching some ideas that were controversial to the average person. They were going to make sure that the only people they would teach would be those they thought could swallow this stuff behind closed doors. Their excuse is that some people are not ready for their lessons yet, and only the discipleship leaders can tell when they are ready.

the discipleship disaster
how did this come about, and what are the consequences?

An abusive discipleship is a group that exerts persuasive coercion through systematic deception. Specifically the types of coercion and deception found in these discipleships are . . .the attitude that we are superior to all other churches, our message is superior as is our understanding of the Bible, a lack of tolerance for disagreement with leadership, hidden agendas as evidenced by deliberate withholding of information, instilling a belief that disobeying certain requests (which do not deal with Scripture morals or values) from the discipler is a sin, when it is in fact not sinful.

Once a disciple has been convinced that disobeying a portion of non-moral advice from the discipler is sinful, the disciple will control himself and of his own volition follow the discipler's suggestions, in order to avoid guilt feelings. In essence this disciple becomes a slave to the discipler's advice.

Information that the group defines as negative, concerning the leaders, is suppressed by demeaning disciples who speak out. This humiliation frequently is done by imposing a standard by which disciples are often caused to feel guilty or ashamed. Contrast these scenarios to experiencing the grace of God through support & encouragement: relentlessly judging of members' hearts or motives, threatening to rebuke the "offending" disciple, or even public rebuking, or arbitrarily dismissing disciples or causing them to want to leave when the disciple merely disagrees with opinions of the leaders.

When a person can't freely share doubts about an important matter without the threat of expulsion or other negative repercussions, it can cause great inner struggles and leave one emotionally devastated.

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