interesting fact: only 10% of american men have had a real friend.

The first night of men's retreat we read from Ecclesiastes 4.

9 Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their work:
10 If one falls down,
his friend can help him up.
But pity the man who falls
and has no one to help him up!
11 Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
But how can one keep warm alone?
12 Though one may be overpowered,
two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

We learned about the necessity and advantages of relying on and working together with other brothers. Two can accomplish more for the kingdom together; two can keep each other accountable; and two can better fight temptation.

Basically it comes down to the fact that to be true brothers we must carry each other's burdens. To do so, we must know each other's burdens. This requires honesty in our relationships; honesty that perhaps we cannot have with older generations or the sisters but that can only be shared with other men of God. We have to be willing to share those things that we are ashamed of and willing to give up the respectable image we cling to so tightly. On the other end, we simply must care about what our brother has to say. I am quick to criticize at times, and it might be hard for some to share their actual thoughts and problems with me. I'm truly sorry and I know I need to change. For we need to be men that will do more than just make fun of or rebuke other people's weaknesses and problems. As awkward as it may be, we need to occasionally just talk to each other about how we're doing and pray for one another.

While we must try to be honest with all of our brothers, we cannot share every intimate detail and experience of our lives with everyone. Time will simply not allow it. You can only have the deep relationship I speak of with a few people really. And it is important that each brother has this sort of relationship involving an older and younger brother. Older brothers, younger brothers need you. They need your wisdom, your encouragement, and your friendship. They need more from us than a friendly handshake or an occasional beating. They need us to care and to show them what it means to be the servant of all. Spend time with them…lots of time. Take one or two of the younger brothers under your wing and share your wisdom to help them mature, help them to become the next leaders of your church. Younger brothers, be humble. Accept the advice and perhaps rebuke of the older guys. They do it because they love you.

We cannot give up on each other. When a brother falls, I often hear people talking about how that guy used to be and what a pity it is that he's changed. Sometimes there are angry words, asking how he could be so stupid or selfish. Our reactions of wishful thinking or even anger are unacceptable and we just end up pushing the "dirty pagan" into the streets outside of the church where he cannot infect those of us who maintain our middle class suburban values. I believe that our inability to love and serve those we dislike for any reason (and especially because they are considered unholy) is a reflection of how much we lack humility and an understanding of our own sinful nature.

Often times though, we just have no idea as to what to do other than rebuke our wayward brothers. While we must make it clear that sinful habits are unacceptable, there is more to it than that. Christ ate with sinners, commanded them to change, and showed them love and respect that no religious leader ever would. I'm not asking you to simply be a nice person and make everyone around you feel warm and fuzzy no matter what. That's what humanistic therapy groups do, and it's nonsense. Instead, we must be the voice of God's truth in their lives. And God's Word does have words of wrath. But grace and love are far more abundant (in terms of God's willingness to forgive and break the chains of sin). Neither end of the spectrum can be forgotten. We must pray for those who have lost sight of the prize. I know how hard it is to keep someone accountable that does not want you to. But we can't give up. We must pray, encourage, and maintain our friendship with these people that we've told that we love for months, even years without results.

The reason that we do not give up is because our God is an awesome God. He can and does perform miracles. This is why it's absurd to give up. For God hears our cries.

Though I've said a lot about those who have walked away from the faith, obviously we cannot give up on those who seem spiritually immature. We must not give up on their spiritual growth or assume that they are and always will be "weak".

Be willing to fight for your brothers. Be ready to be on your knees or at their side with wisdom from the Word of God or even just there to listen when they need you most.

"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another" (John 13:34-35)

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